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[Apr. 28th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
Hmm. I looked at my past several entries, and realized that they make my life sound really crappy. And I know I said I'd try to only put meaningful stuff in here, but I want to say some happy stuff, so here goes.
Things In My Life That Make Me Happy.
~Chocolate
~History
~Going to the Library
~Impressing my private lessons teacher
~Jane Austen
~Scrap-booking
~Pern Roleplaying
~German Class
~Taking long walks in beautiful spring weather while listening to Die Prinzen
~Having the house to myself
~My sister's awesome haircut
~Talking to my friend Ken on AIM
~The song "Come A Little Closer" by Dierks Bently (sp)
~Trevor's funny faces
~Being able to comment about hot guys
~Cheese Its
~Dirty Dancing (the movie!)
~Ice Cream |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|08:08 pm] |
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I'm over him. It's nice, if bittersweet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|10:09 am] |
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You DON'T buy your ex-girlfriend roses. ESPECIALLY NOT ON OPENING NIGHT. That was NOT what I needed 5 minutes before going on stage. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|09:03 pm] |
Forgive me: yet more angsty teenager gushings to follow.
For the past 2 and a half weeks I've been able to push it away and ignore it. Keep myself busy, not think about it, that sort of thing. And I've been ok...
And then yesterday Melissa asked if we were still together...I was forced to shake my head; I didn't know how to say it. I'd never actually told anyone. I mean, except my mom. I never actually said it to anyone else; my close friends I just sent an email to saying that I didn't want to talk about it. To have to actually say that we were over...it hurt really bad.
And then today at dinner my brother was like 'speaking of odd relationships, what's up with you and Seth?' right in front of Chris squared. I don't think they even knew...maybe they did? They didn't seem surprised...Anyway, I left the room without saying anything. Chris Kurtz came after me and tried to help a bit, which was really sweet of him, but...it still hurt.
It's like I'm finally being forced to live with it. I can't ignore it anymore. I've cried more these last two days than I have since the first few days after he broke up with me... It hurts so bad; it's like this dull ache... and the worst part is it's not even a searing pain anymore, just a remembrance of what I've lost. I don't want to just cry and cry and cry like I did at first, I don't want to cry at all. I just feel empty... |
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| My Family |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|07:12 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | family | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Phantom of the Opera (stage version) | ] |
I'm not going to lie; I love my family. I love my parents, I love my siblings. I would never change families.
Sometimes, though...
I dunno. Sometimes it really bugs me that my mom obviously loves my brother more than me. Maybe because his personality is closer to hers? I don't know...for whatever reason, he's her favorite. She told him he was baritone. She told me I was playing clarinet; I didn't have a choice. Now, she acts as if my instrument is crap and the Low Brass is like the most awesome section in the world. It's like...if you had wanted me to play low brass, why did you tell me to play clarinet? If you thought clarinets sucked, why did you tell me to play it? And the worst part is, she played clarinet! She should appreciate it...but she doesn't, because Joe is in the low brass. I seriously doubt that if he played something else that she would be as enthused about them as she is since he's in the section. Which I suppose is understandable...but then that would mean that she should like the clarinets, too. Which she obviously doesn't.
And then after school and after our after school activities she never seems to care how my day went. Maybe it's because my brother is totally dependent; he can't really take care of himself. He needs my mom to hold his hand and make sure he does his homework and doesn't fail all his classes and blah blah blah. But still...that doesn't mean she can't take an interest in how my day went. And she makes it seem like she does, or at least tries to; sometimes she'll ask or I'll start talking about it and she'll listen and stuff, but then if my brother says something she'll immediately pretend I hadn't been talking. Sometimes she even interupts me to ask Joe something.
But today...today takes the cake.
I went to Argonne today for a Women In Science thing as a field trip (it was only 6 of us from the whole school, and it went until like 5). It was totally awesome!! Like, majorly utterly completely and totally uberly awesome! I got to tour the particle accelerator and talk to a physicist and a bunch of awesome stuff! And on the way home I told my mom about it and stuff, and she seemed interested and I was really happy; her attention was totally on me. I know that sounds totally conceited, but it was a really nice feeling. And so we get home and start dinner and I'm feeling good because my day has been great.
And eventually my dad asks me, "So what exactly did you do today at your physics thing?"
And I start explaining excitedly what I did. Then, not even a minute since I began talking, Joe gets up and goes to his backpack, and returns with a piece of paper. And my mom interupts me. "Oh, this is hilarious, show it to Dad." And so Joe gives it to my dad, who totally forgets that I was talking in order to read the paper Joe gave him.
That really hurt. I mean...I guess I can understand if my mom doesn't think my daily life is terribly important. I guess I can even sort of accept that she likes Joe better because he's more like her. But...well, I thought my dad was impartial.
It really hurts that he just blew me off like that.
And then the worst part is, after that he never even asked me to finish what I was saying. Like... I'm writing this an hour later, and he's never asked me what I did at Argonne, even though I had only gotten as far as saying what we did about ten minutes into the day.
It really hurts to know that your own parents could care that little. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|07:48 pm] |
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I have made the journey of a lifetime in a single day, and I am weary. I yearn only for a quiet harbor, but there is now no haven that can shelter me from the fray. I am weary. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|04:34 pm] |
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I think I screwed up again. How do I manage to do it? Things are going great until I say something stupid. Then, five minutes later, I look back and I realize 'that's where it went wrong. why did I have to say that?', but by then things have escalated to beyond my control, and everything is ruined. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|08:07 am] |
The wall of right and wrong is crumbling to the ground before my feet. I'm so confused.
I thought only stupid people did drugs.
I thought only the moralless had premarital sex.
I thought only bad people did bad things.
And I'm so wrong... |
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| Compelled |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|09:08 pm] |
Have you ever been overwhelmed with...energy? It's hard to describe. You can feel the potential in the air, demanding that you put it to use. Compelling you to write...You don't have a choice. The words, ideas, expressions, emotions, come from nowhere, and you have to write. You have to.
Well, that's what happened to me last night. This was the result. I didn't know where I was going until halfway through the poem, but I like the way it turned out.
tonight is a poem
I can feel it surround me
with emotions so strong
that I feel it will drown me
but here I do sit
writing words of the past
in a fervor so pure
that I doubt it will last
for man was not made
to be one with the Spirit
yet its voice is so loud
that I cannot but hear it
and I struggle to write
and obey its commands
but its words are a myst'ry
I can't understand
and its meaning gets lost
in the depths of my mind
and the most precious of gifts
is one I cannot find |
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| Mansfield Park |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|09:15 am] |
I'm reading Mansfield Park right now, and honestly it's making me feel rather guilty. Something tells me that if I had been Fanny, I would have accepted Mr, Crawford. I know I shouldn't...you know, the whole issue with his morals, and Edmund, and blah blah blah, but...I dunno. I don't think I would have been able to go against all my friends and family like that, especially when Mr.Crawford was being so nice about it, and so kind and compassionate to me.
Hm... |
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| Today is my birthday. |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|07:21 pm] |
Today is my birthday. :) Everything seems better on your birthday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|03:08 pm] |
I was thinking today...did Tolkien know what he was going to become when he was writing Lord of the Rings? I mean, did he want to become as well-known as he did? Did he realize that the books he was writing would be cherished for generations to come?
What about Dickens? Or Homer? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|05:13 pm] |
"My family have been Samurai for as long as we choose to remember." ~Neal Stephenson, The Confusion |
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| Jane Austen |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|04:47 pm] |
So I just went and saw Pride and Prejudice...again. And I have decided to pen out my thoughts on her work:
I think that one reason why Jane Austen's work are still popular today is because she appeals to emotions and ideas that are not confined to a single time period. Every woman dreams of love. Every woman is embarresed by her family, worries for friends, feels shame and guilt. You don't need to know what a pinnafore is to understand what the main character is feeling. It is universal.
Another reason is the excellency of her characters. One main point I wish to dwell on is the individualism of them. Some authors, after writing more than one book, begin to run out of character traits, and their heroes and heroines seem to mold into the same character. Not so with Jane Austen. The character of Elinor can only be found in Sense and Sensibility, just as the character of Emma can only be found in the book Emma. Beyond that, however, her characters are all so interesting. Even the ones I don't like I have to admit are interesting.
Furthermore, Jane Austen is the master of subtle humor. Indeed, so much so that I at least am not capable of perceiving it all with only one reading of the book. Each time I read any of Jane Austen's books, I pick up a new bit of irony or personality quirk that I had not realized the last time I read it. The humor itself is of the highest quality. She never needs to resort to vulgarity to get a laugh, nor even outright jokes. Her humor is of a finer quality, which fits her books. The delicacy of it only makes the reader appreciate it more.
Finally, I think one of the largest reasons why women love Jane Austen's books is because of something I call 'the wish factor.' Jane Austen's works are all clouded by idealism. There can be no doubts that Austen's works are fictional. Every woman realizes the fact that, to be perfectly frank, the stories are practically impossible in any society, past or present, and that nothing of the kind would ever happen to her, that the books are dreams...And yet, they are dreams that every woman possesses in the depths of her heart. Dreams of happiness, comfort, and love. And, for that reason, the realism can never quite be totally discounted, because in the hearts of every woman, true love and complete happiness are real. |
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| oops |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|06:17 pm] |
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oops I think I've been crediting people wrong on the icons I'm using...will remedy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|06:17 pm] |
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Why is it I try the least to please the person I want to please the most? |
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| Questions |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|10:00 am] |
1. (Ok, so this isn't a question). Hello! I am new to livejournal and I'm trying to figure out how to post this on the austenicons community, which I'm a member of. This should be interesting...Aha! I think I did it?
2. (Yes, this is actually a question) How much does photoshop(or something similar) cost?
3. What are skins? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|03:05 pm] |
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Note to self: cap_it (screencaps and such) |
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| Update #2 |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|07:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | update | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Abba | ] |
Well, as you can see, I've got things running a bit smoother. I've gotten some better colors, and I found an icon I like (uber thanks to mariarita!). It's of Colonel Brandon, one of my favorite Jane Austen characters. Still getting used to things, but enjoying myself. |
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| Hello! |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|02:16 pm] |
Ok, here's how I got started. I have been on xanga for over a year, and that's pretty neat but livejournal just seems cooler. For one, no annoying adds at the top of the page. (*twitch*) And whenever I want neat icons my google searches always bring me here. So I decided to join. Hopefully I can eventually convince all my friends to join me...
I'll start making my site interesting soon hopefully lol. |
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